Category Archives: Healing

Excerpt 29 – An addict’s values

An addict values substances and acting-out an addictive behavior, more than he/she values you or your love.

This is a devastating and horrific truth to come to accept.

During the period of coming to accept this truth, there will be a tremendous amount of denial and wishing for a different outcome, followed always by the devastation of low self-worth. Recovery from this state will occur when you finally value your own self more that the addict values you.

You will continue to seek the Devil’s approval until you leave the Darkness. This requires taking pain.

“Easy woman, you are speaking to the man I love” (Thomas Jackson)


I slipped back to the dark side
But did not see
I could sense the wrongness
But clung tightly
I became possessive and protective
Defensive and suspicious

There came a day
When my code of rigorous honestly was betrayed
And Intimacy was forsaken

An Owl flew from across my path
From a nearby perch
As I stood up to the betrayer
and sent this object of desire away
An chose the purification of the Dark

Months past in dark despair
I thought of nothing but the object
I had no reason to keep living
All joy for all time
Had ended
There was no hope

There came a day of relief
And I felt excellence in all
For no reason
Followed by a night of no sleep
The darkness came back deeply
I asked for protection and care
With complete abandon

Suddenly I saw clearly
That I had gone to the dark side
I had not seen it
Now I saw it
I said Thanks over and over
I saw Lilith smile

I thought I could manage
I thought I could go there
I forgot who I am
The son of light
Bourne of the dark.
Myrddyn come!

© 2014 Martin H. Wilde
(Myrddin Wyllt)

Excerpt 27 – Expanding

Spiritual seeking or seeking God is a quest into the unknown; that which is beyond your current understanding. It is about expanding.

It is important that God is unknown. The more we try to pretend we “know” God, the less honest the quest becomes.

We are not supposed to feel safe and secure – life is insecure. Instead we put insecurity aside and honestly seek.

This is the day of the expanding man
I take one last drag as I approach the stand
==Donald Fagen


Excerpt 26 – Enlightenment

As opposed to achieving some fixed form of high wisdom, I think enlightenment is more the idea that insight comes on an as-needed, when-needed basis. And that it is not to be treated as currency, nor can one be materialistic with it.

This is my complaint with traditional religion. The idea that if you are a good boy, and save up all your good deeds [ideas] you get some sort of cumulative reward for being a good spiritual materialist.

Instead I’m leaning more toward the idea of seasons, timing, alignment of factors, instinct, intuition. I think intuition is the sum total of many instantaneous surges of enlightenment. They become imprinted on your being and are later there but not as intellect but more-so as intuition. They inform your choices which could be seen as enlightenment in action.

Excerpt 25 – The quest for Intimacy

It is intimacy that I have been seeking and intimacy that has been lost. I feel unified when somebody “gets me” and devastated when that intimacy is taken away or replaced by false intimacy.

To create intimacy one must become vulnerable and share the truth about who one is. It is this risk that sets the tone for others to reciprocate by also getting real. The bond of one person being real and another reciprocating by being real is intimacy.

Intimacy is destroyed by fear, selfishness, judgement, power games, pride and the pursuit of comfort and intoxication. I have been left alone by others who bail on the intimacy, so maybe all intimacy must end and the only constant is the intimacy of ones self with ones truth and ones world – with no claims on others.

Dr Aaron Kipnis – the-pain-from-old-wounds

Psychologist Aaron Kipnis explains how wounds have different depths, i.e. phisical, psychological and soul wounds. Discussed the impact nd healing of these wounds.

Recorded at the 1999 Minnesota Men’s Conference.